Support new writers! We just want to entertain you.
Purchase here, just click this little box. Go on........
0 Comments
Why? Why do I love this?
I hate that it's my go to box set. Breaking Bad's finished? Walking Dead mid season break? Oh well, nothing to watch, better crack open the old shoe box and wade through 6 seasons of this consumerist, product placement whore of a bull crap show! (My box set is in the shape of a shoe box I found in a pawn shop for £10 almost a decade ago. You know, cos it's aimed at women!) I'm 16 and telling my boyfriend this show is beautifully written and well directed. Now 28, this is the first time I've watched the whole thing from start to finish in one lump. I'd like to point out that 16 year old me knows nothing. SERIOUSLY nothing! Maybe its just cos we've been spoiled with such good writing over the years, or maybe it's just cos this show actually sucks balls! It's not clever, it's not funny, it's certainly not relatable, not to anyone I know at least. I've known writers in London who can barely afford a cupboard to live in while they ration their weekly pasta allowance. How does someone who writes a single column for a fucking local newspaper afford to eat out 3 times a day in her $400 Manolo's? A common question asked by many. One of my favourite amateur dialogue moments: CARRIE: "Have you met blah blah, she works in TV". GUY: "Cool, I love TV!" Erm...... yeah. I wasn't surprised to find out they went through 4 different actors in the episode "Escape From New York". Alec Baldwin, George Clooney, and Warren Beatty all turned down the celebrity cameo role. In the end they settled for Matthew McConaughey, (cos he's done................................ stuff.) A poor execution of the "I'm a wealthy, big headed, fame thirsty celebrity who's gonna be a judgemental dick towards you tiny industry people". Not quite as well constructed as Matt LeBlanc's character in "Episodes", but hey, at least they tried. And the movies. Oh, the movies! Not one, but two piece of shit movies came out of this. The first movie: They break up + they get back together = Pointless! And the second: She kisses her ex + he doesn't really give a shit = Pointless! I completely agree with Mark Kermode "If you watched the first one, the second one is your fault!" And you know what? It's absolutely my fault! I am just as much to blame. This show is aimed at all powerful successful women, is it fuck! I'll tell you why women love this horse shit, cos it's fantasy! We eat up this mountain of mind numbing drivel cos it's what we all desire, no work for a fuck load of cash and sex on the doorstep with the type of men we can only think about while fucking our significant others. I am a guilty sheep. This show is crack. It's bad and you know it's bad. But once it's in your system, fuck it, you know you want more! Another enjoyable evening down at my writers association, and the theme was flash fiction. Never attempted this before, but I got to say, it was fun, and actually harder than I thought.
For those unfamiliar with the concept, flash fiction is a self contained story under 1000 words (or so we were aiming for). Some famous examples read out tonight: For sale: baby shoes, never worn. - Ernest Hemmingway Longed for him. Got him. Shit. - Margaret Atwood Machine. Unexpectedly, I’d invented a time - Alan Moore Cut out all the waffle and you're left with... hopefully an effective impact. I went for the "twist ending", which a lot of people did, and personally this was way more effective. And a cute addition to my portfolio! Mid point we were set an "impromptu flash fiction" task; write for 1 minute, and every few seconds random words were thrown at us and we had to fit them in to whatever we were writing. The words were: Saffron Blue Lightening Sewage Lemon So here is my 1 minute impromptu flash fiction: "He's dead! Why is he dead?" "I don't know! Cos he's dead?" "Was it the saffron?" "Nah, probably the cyanide, you complete and utter cretin!" "I didn't know it was cyanide! Is cyanide blue?" "I don't fucking know! Why the fuck are you asking me that?" A gash of lightening beams past the window, illuminating the massacre of body parts floating in a pile of rotting sewage. "Shall we just... dig it out?" "Dig it out? You're a lemon, you know that?" "A lemon? "Yeah, a bitter, rotting, moronic piece of lemon." What was interesting, this got a much bigger reaction than my prepared piece. That's art for you. |
AuthorWell... I'm human just like the rest of you. But I suppose you're not all a woman approaching 30. Archives
January 2017
Categories |